It’s 28th of October and it’s the Indonesian Youth Pledge Day! I have been reading Pramoedya Ananta Toer’s Buru Quartet (not so much of a quartet since I’ve only read three of them) and I could not drop them down as I was submerged into the national awakening of the Indies.
To discover one’s identity, one does not need to roam the entire world to look for it. In our dearest Minke’s case, he had been looking hard in his own Ibu Pertiwi (Motherland).
It’s been a long time since I last wrote in this blog. The thought of scrapping it passed through my mind, but everyone I know encouraged me to continue with it even though they would probably know that I’m only rambling nonsense here haha.
I don’t think it’s good enough for me to make school as an excuse now. Even though in several of my previous posts I ‘persisted’ that schoolworks and exams held me back from doing what I ought to do as a mean of my escapade from reality. Even though I know that this blog would not be particularly attractive to most people and probably only a small amount of those of you out there who would be able to relate to all the stuff that I post.
The transition from IGCSE to A-Levels… it’s amazing.
Not because of the decreasing amount of subjects I’m focusing on right now (in A-Levels you get to do four subjects in your first year, then drop one in the second year), but the mentality, the value judgement that I hold for myself. I suppose I have always considered myself as an underdog in IGCSE.
The ‘fact’ that I was an underdog, it poked my confidence to no end. I kept on telling myself that I’m not good enough for this school, not good enough for England, to the point where I could just completely shut myself from the rest of the crowd. Subsequently weekends were spent staying in my accommodation all the time. I guess I became sort of anthrophobic…?
Socialising is good, but having too many companies around me is overwhelming. I found comfort with my laptop (I’m always with it, this is why school is a no good excuse not to write at all), books, and well… one or two people that I really trust most.
Sorry by the way, for those of you who have been shoved away with my thorns. Whether I did it deliberately or not, I’m still sorry.
Now, curtain call. A new Me has her chin up towards what lies ahead.
“The more I study
The more I know
The more I know
The more I forget
The more I forget
The less I know
So why study?”
-Quoted from an infamous Oxford postcard
Long hiatus, I have no regret somehow. I thought I might just give up on the whole idea of writing things being the inconsistent author I am. As I’ve been taking literature classes, the subject have drained the life of my brain due to Shakespeare and his obsession of getting things on strict ‘structure.’ With all due respect Shakespeare, all I see that laid in front of my eyes, every time the teacher gave another piece of sonnet you crafted so beautifully–was a graveyard occupied with tombstones and carved on them; ‘Here Lies Readership.’
No I’m just playing sir. Truly, your title of the second most-read book author in Great Britain (The Holy Bible rank #1 if I’m not mistaken) proved just how much you’ve accomplished.
I do not know if that would sound like an insult or not, however, my teacher told me not to be ‘too criticizing’ when writing an essay on the works of incredible literary individuals. I did several on Wilde’s Importance of Being Earnest. As quoted here: “Don’t write ‘he had successfully written blablabla’ of course he did! he’s Oscar Wilde for God’s sake!”
Whilst sitting on the chair sometimes, I found myself on the verge of tears as I dwelled in my own thoughts about all the dysfunctional love experiences I’ve had as an adolescence.
Us iGCSEs soon enough are going to claim our diploma with a minimum of C as a passing grade on every subject. I have a feeling Maths is going to torture me with its most detestable gobbledygooks.
Nibras I bought 2 durians, on the next day, Nibras II gave her 2 durians. How many durians does Nibras I have in the end?
You look at the mark scheme and then it says there;
My problem with this society in a nutshell.
Eid Mubarak everyone! Hope you all had a blessed day and let’s pray for those who are going through a tougher time than us during this festive time. I feel like this year’s Ramadhan really kicked me in the gut with all of these mass news coming from the Gaza Strip.
On the other side though, the news of the US Women’s Sabre Team winning a gold medal at the World Championship in Kazan at least managed to distract me. I’ve been seeing them since the last Worlds (which was held in Budapest) where they triumphed over their victory against the Italian Women Sabre Team. It was a pretty thrilling match seeing as the Italians have been well-known to be the fencing powerhouse too.
This particular individual lured me to keep my eyes open on any news regarding the US Women’s Sabre Team.
I discovered her when I was a complete newbie at fencing. I had a bit of confidence issue I suppose, couldn’t stop asking myself sometimes “is it normal for someone like me to play this kind of sport?” Constantly conscious of the stares people were giving too, wondering whether they were feeling sympathy because I would be burning up inside of these thick gears.
My Dad said that from everything that seems to be negative, always look for its positive side first. Ibti taught me that “the heat is the least of our concern.” As she stated in an article, fencing is something that facilitates her to cover up. Ah, right. Why didn’t I realise this at first instead of bothering whether it’d be warm or not inside of those jackets?
Do not live up to the mainstream’s expectations.
“When most people picture an Olympic fencer, they probably do not imagine a person like me. Fortunately, I am not most people.”
We are benders of the element of surprise afterall hehehe. 😀
it’s also a matter of balance in life. Doing sport benefits a lot for our body, as simple as that. Whatever it is that we practise as our norms shouldn’t hinder us for doing our passions. Sport reveals characters whilst it continuously unleash the best of us and our flaws.
So today was the first day of fasting in the month of Ramadhan for the Muslims in Indonesia. I wish good luck for all of us in carrying out our duty and hopefully it will be another enjoyable experience just like the previous years. 🙂
Best thing about Ramadhan is its sense of belonging I suppose. I feel like families are getting together more often during Ramadhan than any other months on the calendar, we’re all huddling around the table. As for me, Ramadhan is also a time where I really really really am thankful for the meals I have. A time where I appreciate foods and drinks as I think about our unlucky brothers and sisters out there who may not have a single penny in their pocket.
By the way, getting angry is forbidden during Ramadhan because it will break the fast. I’m particularly grateful for this as people have been bashing the two presidential candidates for the upcoming presidential election on the 9th of July. So yeah, #flashnews Indonesia is going to have a new president.
Foods. They are everywhere. As for my family, foods on the table be like…
Or like one of those Rumah Makan Padang near your house hehehe.
It’s simply a time where you couldn’t get enough of saying “Alhamdulillah.”
Pengalaman macam apa pun kalau itu dilakukan pertama kali pasti kesan pesannya lebih banyak dari yang berikutnya. Secara, it’s a matter of survival. Di saat masih hijau, masih bocah ingusan, masa depan tidak selalu bisa dijamin. Alhasil aku merasa tidak aman karena apa pun bisa terjadi di masa depan.
Bukan hakku untuk berbicara kalau aku sudah kenyang sekarang, lagi pula masih panjang perjalananku. Tapi semakin aku berjalan jauh, aku temukan kepingan jawaban yang tersebar di sepanjang jalanan. Beberapa ada yang pas dengan puzzle teka-tekiku, beberapa ada yang harus kubuang agar aku bisa maju ke depan.
Di saat aku melakukan pencarian diri, orangtua jauh di sentuhan, dekat di angan-angan. Tapi yang di atas selalu melihat gerak-gerikku, karena Ia lah yang telah membuat jalan ini. Syukur kulantunkan ketika Ia membimbingku kembali ke jalan utama.
Ketika seorang bocah bilang ia akan terbang ke negeri lain, reaksi yang orang dewasa berikan adalah antara miris, bangga, dan kagum. Walaupun orang dewasa lah yang banyak mengontrol dunia ini, terkadang sifat juga bisa berkontradiksi dengan umur. Yang mana yang salah… yang mana yang benar… meh.
Aku keluar dari pulauku, sudah terasa memang bahwa teman dari pulau yang sama itu tak terbayar harganya. Mencoba membuat teman disini… eh terkadang malah disangka alien -_- . Tapi beberapa dari mereka disini seperti harta karun yang langka. Biji-biji dari seantero dunia ini lah yang menemani suka dan dukaku.
Kalau kebetulan datang dua kali, itu namanya udah takdir.
Today I was walking in the crowded town centre, my friend and I were going to do some grocery shopping. I was really in a good mood seeing as today was pretty sunny outside (and a sunny day in good old England supposed to be a happy day). Some guy passed by me and suddenly ‘ruffled’ my head and said “ah we’ll know how it feels if we did this” and sniggered as he walked away with his comrade.
Is it just me, or have you ever not touch a scarf before? I know, my scarf is so smooth no wonder you’re so tempted to touch it.
Just like what they said, “You’ll meet a lot of idiots in life.”
The talking is enough to express just how strange I am in your eyes, no need for the touching-touching session. I know that I’m an alien and you’re a part of the majority. Honestly though, you don’t want to see a demonstration of how a ‘fragile’ looking girl dislocate your arm’s joint.
K-Pop has broadened my views about the rap world. It started off with some introductions, then I ended up liking it and eventually loving it. I managed to remove some of the crude and brusque stereotypes I had before. Some of you rappers out there are truly the modern poets.
Anyhow, I shall greet my final exam with a song from Dynamic Duo.
It’s just one of those songs that made me swayed along with the rhythm, put down my pen and looked up on the internet for its English lyrics. Which eventually led to some major intervals during my revision sessions (read: procrastinating).
For you, I will only deal with darkness, you just need to bloom
I pray that you will always be well
Thank you — Good love
I’ve never been the best in overcoming my anxieties, so writing is usually my escapade to vent out my troubles. Though there were times when I just couldn’t help it, so eventually I cried. It is as if all the things that I’ve been protecting in this strong barrier suddenly burst just like that. I felt relieve though in most cases, but usually it’ll be followed by this hollowness inside.
The hollowness may be a mixture of loneliness, in which I would ask myself whether I’m the only one who experienced this kind of thing amongst the 7 billions of the human population. Then I would become all nostalgic where I really really really wished for time to go back and take me to my younger days. Where the society won’t see me as a lonely stranger but instead would welcome me as a mere innocent child.
Inside, it felt like my own hope-built up sword just stabbed me, then some unknown force twisted it.
Like I’m a knight on the battle field, taking the arrows for my comrades and they stood there, stupefied and eventually… left.
Before I step beyond the border of my comfort zone
You are in my luggage ‘must’ list
You lure me into the world of procrastination
By the spices fragrance
That is your perfume
Back home Mum would nag me
If I consumed you too much
She said you’re a staple food for us
Somewhat a life safer too
I didn’t really know your worth back home
As I took every bite of you here
I can feel the bitterness in my tongue
At the same time
Your broth warmed my heart
As if you were saying ‘It’s okay, you’re not alone’
For every slurp
For every burp
It feels like I’m home again
Inspired by this
Sacha Stevenson belongs to Sacha Stevenson