It’s been a long time since I last wrote in this blog. The thought of scrapping it passed through my mind, but everyone I know encouraged me to continue with it even though they would probably know that I’m only rambling nonsense here haha.

I don’t think it’s good enough for me to make school as an excuse now. Even though in several of my previous posts I ‘persisted’ that schoolworks and exams held me back from doing what I ought to do as a mean of my escapade from reality. Even though I know that this blog would not be particularly attractive to most people and probably only a small amount of those of you out there who would be able to relate to all the stuff that I post.

The transition from IGCSE to A-Levels… it’s amazing.

Not because of the decreasing amount of subjects I’m focusing on right now (in A-Levels you get to do four subjects in your first year, then drop one in the second year), but the mentality, the value judgement that I hold for myself. I suppose I have always considered myself as an underdog in IGCSE.

The ‘fact’ that I was an underdog, it poked my confidence to no end. I kept on telling myself that I’m not good enough for this school, not good enough for England, to the point where I could just completely shut myself from the rest of the crowd. Subsequently weekends were spent staying in my accommodation all the time. I guess I became sort of anthrophobic…?

Socialising is good, but having too many companies around me is overwhelming. I found comfort with my laptop (I’m always with it, this is why school is a no good excuse not to write at all), books, and well… one or two people that I really trust most.

Sorry by the way, for those of you who have been shoved away with my thorns. Whether I did it deliberately or not, I’m still sorry.

Now, curtain call. A new Me has her chin up towards what lies ahead.



Rantau is in My Blood

The word “RANTAU” itself isn’t really popular on the internet but it is a pretty well-known word amongst Indonesians (and possibly the Malaysians too ya?). Based on my own interpretation, rantau is when someone goes out of his or her homeland in order to seek better fortune in life. Ever since I stepped my foot on the UK, rantau is always the first word that came to my mind.

In my family, rantau is in our blood. Well, I suppose it leans more to my dad at least since he had been traveling to Malaysia ever since he was around the age for secondary school, alone. It wasn’t for any educational reason and I don’t think we had any relative in Malaysia that time… What he did was sneaking himself inside a ship to Sabah and let himself get pitied by the ship’s cook. Then he started to boast around how he got free meals on the ship by just helping around in its kitchen.

Oddly enough, it managed to become a booster for me in the beginning of my journey. So I thought, “If Dad managed to conquer Malaysia, why not me? I should go even further than he did!”

When my mum, my dad, and my sister ended up accompanying me to the UK before the school started, it was during lunch time when we were like the typical clueless tourists because we had no idea where we should go for our meals. We got into McDonalds and encountered the classic meal issue for Muslims–p o r k.

Then all of a sudden, my dad cried.

I was rather petrified to be honest, and panic too in a way because I had no idea what I should do! My sister quietly munched her meals whilst constantly glancing at my dad, which… wasn’t very helpful too. When my mum came back after ordering a decent menu for us, my dad quickly rubbed his eyes and sobbed quietly.

My mum then asked my dad why he cried and his only answer was; “No… I just started to get all nostalgic somehow.” In between his sobs.

Just some days after than he posted this status on Facebook

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“Sometimes in life we feel happiness and sometimes we become sad when we reminisce about the past. The present and the future, that is to live and life.”

Parents, they constantly protect their children from making mistakes. Maybe they have been through it before and they don’t want their children to make the same mistake as they did. But I know that my dad isn’t preventing me from choosing which path should I choose, because he knows well how making mistakes is the only way that can make us truly learn the value of life.