It’s been a long time since I last wrote in this blog. The thought of scrapping it passed through my mind, but everyone I know encouraged me to continue with it even though they would probably know that I’m only rambling nonsense here haha.
I don’t think it’s good enough for me to make school as an excuse now. Even though in several of my previous posts I ‘persisted’ that schoolworks and exams held me back from doing what I ought to do as a mean of my escapade from reality. Even though I know that this blog would not be particularly attractive to most people and probably only a small amount of those of you out there who would be able to relate to all the stuff that I post.
The transition from IGCSE to A-Levels… it’s amazing.
Not because of the decreasing amount of subjects I’m focusing on right now (in A-Levels you get to do four subjects in your first year, then drop one in the second year), but the mentality, the value judgement that I hold for myself. I suppose I have always considered myself as an underdog in IGCSE.
The ‘fact’ that I was an underdog, it poked my confidence to no end. I kept on telling myself that I’m not good enough for this school, not good enough for England, to the point where I could just completely shut myself from the rest of the crowd. Subsequently weekends were spent staying in my accommodation all the time. I guess I became sort of anthrophobic…?
Socialising is good, but having too many companies around me is overwhelming. I found comfort with my laptop (I’m always with it, this is why school is a no good excuse not to write at all), books, and well… one or two people that I really trust most.
Sorry by the way, for those of you who have been shoved away with my thorns. Whether I did it deliberately or not, I’m still sorry.
Now, curtain call. A new Me has her chin up towards what lies ahead.
Just several weeks ago I tried to buy some Indomie from a nearby oriental shop. During my first weeks staying in the UK I thought such thing as Indomie wouldn’t even actually available in the country. I know for one that the Netherlands have some mini markets selling Indonesian-related products (yep, kompeni has it all), but… the UK? Really??
It was during lunch time when one of my Indonesian comrade, Sekar, blurted out how she wanted to go to the oriental shop. Then a grin was immediately plastered on my face and off we went on our mini quest buying food products that can repair back our taste bud into its original state.
Finally, I won’t need to struggle with a bulgy luggage full of Popmie & Indomie anymore!
So just last week, I participated in this event called the British Youth Championship Qualifier for England’s South West region.
It was not my first regional competition (I did once before back in my home, Indonesia) but it was the first time I compete during my stay in England.
Honestly I was so anxious and I even found myself in front of the computer staring at Ibtihaj Muhammad all the time. Thinking of finding a way to motivate myself by looking for someone who was ‘in the same boat as I am.’
Sometimes thoughts like “oh are they going to treat me any differently?” or “will there be any reff biasing against me there?” instead of thinking how I should polish my rubbish parry-repost.
But when I encountered a short biography of Ibtihaj, I found myself applauding for Ibti’s coach. The six-time Olympian, Peter Westbrook.
“You cannot allow ‘because I’m Muslim’ or ‘because I’m black’ into play in fencing. The minute you put those in, you’ve lost.”
Then when the day of the competition came, I finished it off with this.
Yep, that’s me.
I suppose this WordPress is like my fifth blog now. The previous ones that I made were a bunch of things that in the beginning I sprinkled with a lot of my opinions on life, Indonesia, and my one and only passion, the sport of fencing. Unfortunately, they just… coughed, spluttered, and died eventually.
As you know, I’m an Indonesian. English may not be my first tongue but I will try my best to maintain this blog’s English posts with the most decent English grammar as possible.
I’m a wandering vagabond that still has a long journey to go. I see so many paths are waiting to be chosen, each of them holds their very own secrets. I still have some time in choosing these paths. I can be very picky of them sometimes, but I still admit that making mistake and experience are the best gurus in life.
About fandoms… Since I get bored of things easily, my fandoms are ranged from things like anime, asian dramas, fencing (hey, sport can be a fandom too, no?), and the ever-so popular K-Pop also entered my list as of late.
Why, because I’m so cultured. Ahahahaha…